July 1944

The front door slammed shut and Maria awoke with a start. She relaxed when she heard the lock clank into place, and closed her eyes again. Max had finally come home.

She listened as his footsteps approached the bedroom. He had come home this late many times before, sometimes even later. Maria was becoming used to falling asleep by herself, and waking up in the morning to find the other side of the bed slept in and empty. At least on those nights they didn’t fight.

The bedroom door opened and the shadow of a figure, outlined by the harsh light of the hallway, draped itself across the bed. Maria turned over to look and shivered despite herself.

There was Max in his official uniform: his shirt and tie, an armband, riding pants and polished leather boots. The uniform Maria hated so much, on the man she had married for love. She wondered if she would ever become used to the sight.

Later, covers bunched around her for warmth, Maria lay quietly and listened to the faint snoring coming from Max. Please God, she prayed, Please let that have been the time it worked. I want that baby so badly, and I’m afraid of what he might do to me if I can’t get pregnant again. Please let me have Max’s baby.

The doctor was lost in thought as he drove down the long road to work. It was a warm, dry summer morning and the hood of the car was flecked with dust kicked up by the tires.

Things were not working out as smoothly as he would like. Last month, the Allied forces had invaded Europe through Normandy and had settled in firmly to make trouble for the Reich. It was this threat that preyed on the doctor’s concentration and was holding him back in his work. He was making impressive advances in reproductive and evolutionary studies, but he knew he would be capable of even more if he could only be completely confident that Germany would crush her opponents and leave him to continue his research. This was such a perfect place to do it, and he had all the resources he needed.

On the other side of the iron gates, the doctor acknowledged a number of salutes as he made his way to the medical offices. His co-workers seemed to respect him with an awe that occasionally bordered on fear, and he planned to keep it that way. He could not let them know, therefore, that he was secretly embarrassed about his personal life. Nearly three years ago Maria had lost the baby and she hadn’t been pregnant since. It was humiliating; a top biologist whose wife couldn’t accomplish something even the simplest of his laboratory animals were capable of. Surely people would start to talk soon, if they hadn’t already. And his rival scientists would have a field day with it. So much for his standing with the Fuhrer then.

If you cannot create life, Maria, then I will, he vowed, as he pulled on a white lab coat.

August 1944

"Will you come with me?"

Lonia closed the front door for their privacy. "Where?"

"Doctor’s appointment," answered Maria. She smiled anxiously.

Several worrisome circumstances ran through Lonia’s mind before she realised what Maria was up to.

"Oh my God..." she began excitedly. Maria threw her arms around Lonia and they hopped about in the front hall, hugging and laughing.

The two women tightly held hands as they waited for the doctor to return with the results. The tests had to be positive, they just had to be. Maria was never this late, not even when she was under stress, and Lonia assured her that this was exactly what had convinced her to get tested when she found out she was pregnant with her first child.

After what felt like hours, the doctor finally came back into the office. He gave a polite nod to Lonia, understanding why she had appeared in the office by her friend’s side while he had been gone. She and Maria stared at him expectantly and he cleared his throat.

"Congratulations, Mrs. von Reichter, you’re going to be a mother!"

Maria sat nearly motionless as she took in the news, feeling an electric charge of euphoria rush through her being. Then she was laughing and crying in Lonia’s arms, tears of joy tickling her face. A baby was finally coming.

"So, are you going to tell Max the news when he comes home tonight?" asked Lonia as they walked home.

"I don’t know," replied Maria. She was deciding upon a plan of action. "I think I’ll say nothing and see how long it takes for him to figure it out himself."

"Ooh, you play tough, young lady!" quipped Lonia, and Maria laughed. Maybe it was sneaky of her, but she figured she was entitled to a little experimenting.

The novelty quickly wore off however when, after two weeks, Max still hadn’t noticed anything different It was still too early for Maria to be showing, but she was noticing other changes in herself that she couldn’t believe Max failed to see. She was eating different foods (some things made her feel sick now), she felt tired more often, and she was convinced than her face looked different, rounder somehow. Maria didn’t believe that he had noticed but not cared. She knew he wanted a baby every bit as much as she did. No, she concluded, he was just too involved in his theories and measurements and equations to notice that the heir he wanted was now more than just a wish.

One night, whether it was her temper or another bout of nausea, Maria’s patience finally wore out. She stalked into the drawing room, where Max was working industriously at his desk, and glowered at the back of his head with anger. Enough was enough.

She kept walking until she was standing right behind his chair. He hadn’t heard her approach.

"Is that all you ever do?" she asked, voice dripping with contempt.

Max was startled. He hated being startled. Turning to respond to the insolent remark, he stood up and gave Maria a look of disgust.

"What I am doing," he replied through clenched teeth, "is of the utmost importance to the future of the Reich. And when I am busy" -and here his voice began to increase in volume- "I cannot be interrupted simply to entertain you!"

"You’re always busy! You love Germany more than you love me!" accused Maria.

She made a noise of surprise as Max grabbed her wrists and pulled her towards him.

"Don’t you ever say that to me again," he growled at her, "Don’t you ever say that!"

Finding her voice, Maria shot back, "I’ll say it whenever I want because it’s true, von Reichter!"

He smacked her in the face, hard. She cried out and stumbled away from him, holding her cheek to make it stop hurting. Looking back at Max through a blur of hot tears, she saw that his expression was the same as before. He stood his ground, shaking with rage.

"Oh Max," she whimpered, "I’m going to have a baby and you’re too busy to even notice." She collapsed onto the couch, sobbing.

Maria would have been satisfied, had she looked up, to see the look of horror on her husband’s face as the news sunk in. She had done it. After three years of trying she had finally done it. But were there still risks? What if he had just caused her to miscarry again?

Max approached her and tried to calm his emotions. Maria had curled herself into a ball at the far end of the couch, facing away from him and was crying softly.

"Are you sure?" he asked after a moment.

"Yes!" Her reply was teary and frustrated. She didn’t look up.

He put his hands on his hips and tried to think of something to say.

Silence.

"You should go to bed and get some sleep then," he ventured quietly. It was all he could come up with.

"All right." Maria complied and started to get up. She was too tired and sore to argue.

Lying underneath her cool linen sheets, Maria stared at the ceiling and listened to the noise coming from the yard. It sounded like cursing, but she could only catch a few random pieces of words. There was a sudden smash of broken glass and she realised that Max was drunk. I hope he doesn’t wake up Lonia’s children with that racket, She thought ruefully. Good luck explaining to them about "the drunk, abusive scientist next door." God.

Some time later, the noise died down to Max stumbling back into the house. Maria pretended to be asleep and listened as his footsteps crossed the threshold of the bedroom door, and went about half a meter before he lost his balance and fell over himself.

"Damn floor moved," he slurred as he got up and crawled onto the bed. Maria felt a hand groping for her, and angrily flipped over. She lay stiffly and waited for him to give up. Mercifully, he soon did as he passed out in a drunken stupor.

"Jerk," muttered Maria, and finally let herself drift off to sleep.

September 1944

If Fall 1944 had a theme, for Maria it was worry. More specifically, it was worry about parents. Germany was losing the war and was being bombed by the British and the Americans. Frequently she would call her parents, or Max’s, on the telephone to make sure they were still safe and healthy. Lonia, whose parents were rather elderly, moved her family to stay with them for a year, worried just like Maria about what the war might deal them. Before she left, Lonia had given Maria her old maternity clothes, saying it was the least she could to since she probably couldn’t make it for the birth in March. Maria promised to send her weekly updates, and they shared a tearful goodbye.

Now that she was on her own all day and getting bored, Maria decided to explore the countryside around her, and embarked on a series of daily walks, Lilli excitedly running alongside her.

For the first little while, they walked along quiet road stretching past acres of farmland, found pleasant country lanes and cottages, and greeted people they met along the way. Lilli investigated every gatepost and tree of interest, and happily chased the dry leaves twirling down from their branches. It was on these walks that Maria first felt her baby kicking inside her, and heard her intuition saying that it was a boy. She felt calmer and safer out here, away from the noisy town and the German soldiers occupying it. She felt calm away from Max.

There was a puzzle in the countryside, however, that Maria wanted to solve. There was a funny, sweetish smell in the air, she found, which got stronger the further Southwest she went. It had always been present, but smells seemed more pronounced now that she was pregnant, and more disagreeable. She had asked a few people about it, but they appeared to know nothing more than she did. Maria became more and more curious, and by October she was determined to find the source.

Lilli, for some reason, liked the smell even less. She would whine as they got to a particular forested area, standing in one place and looking back towards home. Maria wasn’t about to ignore her pet’s odd behaviour, and began to leave Lilli in the house whenever she went out to investigate. The dog had obviously discovered something she hadn’t. Something about the smell was frightening her.

On a cool, overcast afternoon, Maria put on a winter coat and set out on what she hoped would be her final quest to get to the smell’s source. She had narrowed the field down to the deeper part of the thicket Lilli disliked, within view of the nearby Sola River. Reaching it, she found herself becoming nervous, and paused at the edge of the wood to calm herself before starting into the shadows.

The smell, as Maria continued, became stronger and stronger, and she tried to breathe through her mouth to block it out. It was sweet but rancid, like burning sugar or fat. Is it a factory? Maria wondered. Or some kind of depository?

She saw ahead of her that the trees thinned out into a small clearing. Reaching it, she heard a humming sound and looked across to where the forest thickened again. Through the branches she could see a brick building and an imposing fence with what looked like a white sign on it. This had to be where the smell was coming from!

Carefully trying to stay hidden, Maria finally reached the fence, but quickly backed away. As the sign boldly declared, it was humming with thousands of volts of electricity. She clapped her hands over her mouth to keep from crying out at how close she had just come to death. There was a sudden yell from somewhere on the other side of the fence, and finding the edge of the brick building, Maria peered in at a sight she wished dearly was a nightmare she could wake up from.

There were people everywhere. Starving, beaten, cadaverous people, more dead than alive, in striped uniforms like prisoners wore. There were SS officers with guns and dogs, ordering the people into rows. Maria saw that the prisoners wore something like a badge on their chests. Yellow badges which, she realised in horror, were Stars of David. Blood pounding in her ears, Maria felt her heart plunge into her guts as she uneasily followed the bricks of the building beside her with her eyes, up until they formed rows of chimneys.

And with that terrible sight, it all came together. Where the Jews had gone. What Hitler had meant by a solution to the "Jewish Problem."

Why Max was called to Poland.

There was the sound of a gunshot and Maria turned and ran. She ran through the forest. She ran across the fields. She ran, half-crazed with fear and she didn’t stop running until she was back inside her house, locking the deadbolt on the front door.

Lilli ran to her owner, barking and whimpering as if to ask what was wrong. Maria was leaning against the door, crying hysterically. Presently, she felt the little dog pawing worriedly at her leg and kneeled down to pick her up.

"They’re dying, they’re dying," she sobbed, and pressed her face to Lilli’s warm, velvety brown fur, letting the dachshund gently lick the tears from her face.

Dizzy from running and crying, Maria felt a wave of nausea hit her. Putting down Lilli, who followed behind, she ran into the washroom and was violently sick.

When Max arrived home, he found his wife sitting on the floor beside the toilet, staring at the floor and looking pale and upset. Assuming she was nauseous from the pregnancy again, he put a hand on her shoulder and looked for her eyes hidden by her hair.

Don’t touch me, she wanted to scream, you’re a monster. But she was too exhausted, and simply sat unmoving until he kissed her head and left the room.

November 1944

"And how are you two doing?"

"Oh, we’re fine," answered Maria lightly. She just couldn’t bear to tell Max’s mother about the things that really went on. It would break her heart.

"So do you still feel like it’s going to be a boy?" asked her mother-in-law excitedly.

"I think so." Maria shifted the phone onto her shoulder and sat down on a kitchen chair. Standing up was a lot of work with an active baby competing in the Olympics on her bladder.

"Have you picked out any special names yet?"

"I know exactly what I’m going to call him," Maria replied happily. She looked down at her stomach and smiled as she thought of her baby’s namesake. "I’m going to call him Josef."

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